The Dryer Ate Your Underwear

Q: My mom is in the early stages of dementia and she is also incontinent we have tried to get her to stop wearing her underpants and have her start wearing pull-up diapers, she throws the Depends out the door and puts her underpants on. Of coarse we have a lot of laundry! How should I handle this?

A: This one should be fairly easy to solve. You have a few options actually! And hopefully you won't have to try them all!

First, you should take all of the regular underwear away, and replace them with the Depends. That way there is no other option. Hopefully in a few days she will adjust to the change and not even notice the difference.

If that doesn't work you may have to resort to under-handed, underwear tactics.

Sometimes with dementia you have to be a little bit dishonest. Somehow to me it never felt right telling little old ladies, little white lies. But, perhaps you could look at it like you are just stretching things a bit, or since we are Irish, it is just blarney!

One of the only ways to effectively deal with those who have dementia or alzheimer's is to enter into their reality. In your moms' mind, she doesn't have a problem and doesn't need them. In our reality we are smelling the urine, finding wet clothes, the furniture might be getting soiled etc. So here are a few one liners that might help you.

1. Mom we sent the underwear to the dry cleaners, they won't be back until next Monday.
2. Sorry, mom, they had to keep them another week.
3. I'm going to have to call and complain, because it has taken them so long.
4. The ladies' department at JC Penney, told me that they don't make that kind of underwear anymore mom. They only sell this kind.
5. Mom, you are hip! It's what all the chic's your age are wearing!
6. Mom the washing machine is broken, can you just wear these until we get it fixed.
7. Mom, the dryer ate your underwear.
8. What underwear?

Get a little creative!

If you are struggling to care for a loved one with Alzheimer's many behavior problems can be solved with a little creative thinking! ~ Dutchy

Chin Up! Make 2006 a better year!!

A good friend shared this list with me. As we struggle through the grief of losing my husbands father, I am looking for ways to feel "healthy" again. Also, since it was still the first month of the new year, I thought some of you would be thinking about ways to make 2006 a better year!

Here are a few tips!

According to a Duke University study, the factors that contribute significantly to inner peace are:

1. The absense of suspicion and resentment
2. Refusing to live in the past
3. Refusing to waste energy on fights you cannot win
4. Being involved with the world around you
5. Saying no to self pity
6. Cultivating love, honor, compassion, and loyalty
7. Establishing reasonable goals
8. Believing in something bigger than yourself. (I happen to believe in God!)

Print these out, put them in several places around your home, when you are tempted to think negative thoughts, review this list!!

Caregiver spiritual gift??

Q:Are you a caregiver? Do you come by it naturally? Is it your spiritual gift? What are your spiritual gifts?

A: ???? come to www.mycarelink.net and find out!

Click the link that takes you to the spiritual gifts test.....then let us know the results!

Stages of Grief

When you have a loved one with Alzheimer's or provide care for someone with Alzheimer's you have a grieving process unlike others. You lose your loved one slowly overtime to this disease and it's affects. Your grief comes in stages and is a very drawn out process that may last for years. A grieving process that lasts for an extended period of time may be harder to deal with on an emotional level, and perhaps cause more negative physical reprocussions to the caregiver.

Since the passing of our own Dad/father in law I have had to re-visit articles on dealing with grief, I found the following most helpful. If you are dealing with grief I hope you find it helpful too! ~ Dutchy


Recovery from grief or loss is made easier when we:
UNDERSTAND the phases of grief
BELIEVE you will be able to adjust
LEARN TO ACCEPT your loss and grow from the experience and
SEEK HELP when you need it


Five Stages of Grief

Even though the times it takes for emotional wounds to heal vary for each individual, there are common feelings all experience:

1. Denial and Shock

An initial reaction may be to deny the loss. Many individuals experience 'shock'...a kind of emotional numbness. Both of these reactions are normal human responses which allow time for a terrifying idea to 'sink in', so we emotionally prepare to deal with our loss. Even in situations where death is supposedly 'expected' (such as long term illness), this stage is experienced. Denial sometimes returns during later stages of loss and grief. Even after we believe we've effectively dealt with the death of a loved one or accepted a traumatic loss, this stage may reappear and catch us unaware.

2. Anger

When we feel the loss of someone (or something) precious, we hurt and life seems unfair. Resentment and anger with self, others or God for not preventing the loss will become apparent. This is born from a sense of helplessness, and some individual experience rage. Sometimes anger comes unexpectedly and may be difficult to control. Even though it takes time, we will be able to work through the anger. Some individuals seek professional help or added support from friends, co-workers, clergy or family to work through this stage of loss.

3. Guilt and Blame

It's not unusual to blame yourself for something you did or didn't do prior to a loss, or event to blame others. We tend to think of all the things left unsaid, the arguments we may have had, how we wish we'd told him/her our positive feelings for them, 'if only' thoughts, etc. If somehow we were directly involved with the circumstances surrounding a death (or a person believes themselves to have been in a position to change the outcome), built may be experienced more deeply. It is difficult to admit there are events and circumstances we just can't control. If this stage of grief is not addressed, it will lead into depression, despair or outward expressions of anger to those blamed for the loss.

4. Depression

You may feel physically and mentally drained, unable and unwilling to perform even routine tasks, and may be easily distracted. The truth has registered....loss or death is inevitable. The loss isn't a dream...and we can't make it just go away. During this stage, we may distance ourselves from others, feel fear for our own mortality, experience loneliness, drink alcohol to sedate/drown our feelings, increase usage of medications (both prescription and over-the counter drugs), or use other escape methods to copy. Some people seek professional help or added support from friends, co-workers or family to work through this stage, especially if sleeplessness occurs over a long period of time, thoughts of suicide appear, or the person feels they are 'out of control' (uncontrollable bouts of crying, thoughts, anxiety, etc.)

5. Acceptance

This stage is where we begin to accept our loss. We remember with less pain and are able to focus on a future with hope. This stage is NOT resignation, submission, defeat or apathy. It IS a healthy coming-to-terms with reality, acceptance that the world will go on without the person who has died or the loss we have suffered, focusing on positive memories and inner peace.

Article used by permission from www.texastherapists.com

Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia

" I don't want anyone to go through what Donna and I have gone through.
If this article does no more than provide just one person with some direction through EOAD then it was worth the effort!" Richy age 50, Florida.


There are few words that can actually describe the devastating effects of Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia. Often shortened to EOAD, this disease affects over 300,000 individuals and their families.

EOAD, strikes before age 65, when children may still live in the home, when their income is still needed to help the family meet their financial needs, when they are in the prime of their lives. While Alzheimer's is heartbreaking at any age, you can see why it would be even more so at an earlier age. To read more about EOAD

Several months ago "Pizzaaguy" joined www.mycarelink.net As we all began reading Richy's posts about his struggles to provide care for his wife Donna who started showing signs of Alzheimer's at the young age of 49, we realized that families who are dealing with Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia have an overwhelming need for support.

You may have heard the old proverb that says, " You cannot understand a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes." . While I am most certain that Richy and his wife would prefer to travel down any other road, this is the journey they are on, this is a story that he has chosen to share.

There are several elements that make Donna and Richy's story perfect for helping others who are faced with EOAD. First is transparency in Richy's ability to open up and share "real" emotions. Then experience, life's best teacher. Richy chose to provide care for his wife until he was no longer able to keep her safe at home. So when he speaks of caregiver guilt and burnout and the financial struggles, he has lived and is still living what he talks about. But perhaps the most important element of all is empathy, Richy has a strong desire to help others through this process, inspite of the struggles he is challenged with.

Since there is a surprising lack of awareness concerning EOAD, many families who are experiencing this disease first hand tend to withdraw, instead of reaching out for the help they so desperately need. In an effort to support those families and let them know they are not walking down this path alone, we will be presenting a series of entries on EOAD.

Richy has also agreed to moderate a newer section on mycarelink.net's online support forum.
The section is appropriatly entitled Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia

We will be presenting this infomation in the coming days, if you would like to know more of the story, please vist www.mycarelink.net
~Dutchy

Physical Changes WIth Alzheimer's

There are several physical changes that you can expect to see as Alzheimer's/Dementia progresses.

These changes take place slowly, and are often subtle...until they are staring you in the face.

1. Your loved ones affect will change. You may notice that they smile less, show less emotion in their expression, their eyes will start to stare ahead blankly.

2. Your loved one will lose weight. Some with Alzheimer's gain weight in the early stages because they don't remember eating or they lack the judgment to stop when they are full.

3. You will notice that their stature changes in the end stages, they will stoop more and begin to shuffle their feet when they walk.

We took many pictures of my father in law over the last few years. We could obviously see the decline. But we were totally amazed at how much he had changed when we compared those pictures to ones we had taken just 3 or 4 years ago.

I would encourage families to keep a diary even a picture diary, we have found that it really helps us to look back and see the changes that were occurring!
~Dutchy

Wandering Alzheimer's

Here is a wonderful post from www.mycarelink.net a forum for families who are caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's.

The lost are found, with a little help from Safe Return Program
Keeping them safe
By Lisa Ryckman, Rocky Mountain News

November 14, 2005

On a fall day seven years ago, Kenneth Talburt went for a walk and never came back.
Nobody knows where the 75-year-old man thought he was going when he put on the baseball cap that proclaimed him "No. 1 Granddad" and left his home at the Grandview Acres trailer park in Cañon City.

For years, nobody knew where Kenneth Talburt was.

And he was only a mile away.

Some hikers found his remains, and the hat given to him by his granddaughters, down a steep embankment in a wooded area in May. It appeared that he had walked until he couldn't anymore.

Like the estimated 30,000 other people who wander away every year, Talburt's last walk was propelled by Alzheimer's or some other dementia-related disease, police believe. It's estimated that 60 percent of the 4.5 million Americans with dementia will wander, becoming lost and confused - even in a place they've lived for years.

There's a one-day window to find them before their chances of survival are cut in half, research shows.

"It's very dangerous behavior," says Catherine Sewell, director of client services for the Alzheimer's Association. "And the longer they're missing, the worse it is."

While the word wandering implies aimlessness, its definition changes when dementia is involved, says Jennifer Pancer, safety specialist with the Alzheimer's Association. Most people who become lost had a goal in mind.

"These folks get stuck in a past time, and they head out to fulfill whatever was happening at that time in their lives," she says.

Deborah Uetz's father was used to driving and taking long walks when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, even though he was getting lost in the home he'd lived in for 50 years.

"The fear of him becoming lost was my greatest nightmare," says Uetz, co-author of Into the Mist: When Someone You Love Has Alzheimer's. "My husband's grandmother had suffered from Alzheimer's disease and was killed by a truck while wandering on a dark road in the middle of the night."

But putting limitations on loved ones, even for their own good, can cause guilt feelings for caregivers, she says.

"Asking my dad for his car keys was one of the hardest things I ever had to do," Uetz says. "Unfortunately, there are a staggering number of people who are driving with dementia because it is so upsetting to take their keys."

To keep her father safe during his walks, Uetz went along.

"The unexpected outcome of that was some conversations that meant the world to me," she says. "He talked about things he did when he was a little boy and even told me about the first girl he ever kissed. I actually got to know him better after his illness than I had before his symptoms began."

Wandering can happen at any time, Pancer says, and any memory can trigger it. A woman who was put on a bus in Missouri bound for Georgia ended up in New Jersey - the site of her daughter's funeral four years earlier. She was living on the street when she was found nine days later.

"Her daughter's funeral may have been the last time she was on Greyhound," Pancer says.

Wanderers on wheels, such as a man who drove across three states because he thought he needed to get to work, are rare, Pancer says. Most go on foot, like Anna Sporcich, who clearly had a destination when she walked away from her Denver assisted-living residence in May, an extra pair of shoes in her hand.

She headed to the home she'd lived in for 27 years but fell down with nine blocks to go. Police took her to the emergency room and tracked down her daughter, Mary Hanna.

"I sat in a chair crying like a baby. I was scared to death," says Hanna, who was vacationing in New York when police reached her. "I was so far away. And it's my mother."

Hanna had registered her mother with the Alzheimer's Association Safe Return Program, a nationwide, round-the-clock identification system. In its 12 years, 100,000 people have been registered with Safe Return, and it has helped locate more than 7,500 of them.

But before she left her assisted-living residence, Sporcich had taken off her Safe Return identification bracelet. She liked to change her jewelry, her daughter says, and she didn't care for that particular piece.

"She'd take them off and hide them in her room," Hanna says.

Researcher Robert Koester, who studies the habits of Alzheimer's patients, has pinpointed many similarities in what happens to wanderers. Most walk in a straight line, crossing over roads or paths until they can't go any farther. Most are found within a 1- to 2-mile radius of their homes.

Many who die are found entangled in bushes or in creek or drainage areas where steep grades made them fall. They don't heed warnings, and they don't call out for help.

On a hot Sunday morning a month later, Sporcich wandered away again. This time she walked 18 blocks up Federal Boulevard, then turned right on her old street. But she became confused and stopped a passerby.

The woman saw the Safe Return bracelet on her wrist - Sporcich's daughter had superglued it shut so that it couldn't be removed - and called the number.

Another rescue program, Project Lifesaver, relies on technology rather than good Samaritans and boasts a 100 percent success rate. Started in Virginia in 1999, the nonprofit program equips sheriff's offices with systems that can track a signal from a battery-operated wrist transmitter worn by someone at risk for wandering.

The signal is emitted every second and is unique to each bracelet, allowing rescuers to home in on the missing person. Project Lifesaver, available in some Colorado communities, has found more than 1,000 people nationwide, with an average rescue time of less than 30 minutes.

Sporcich never gets lost anymore. She lives on the third floor of a nursing home, loves to dress up and enjoys folding the napkins for the dining room, unaware that the results aren't quite right.

Her wandering days are over.

"It's a locked unit, and you have to know the security code to get out," her daughter says. "It's a big relief."


Resources

• For a free brochure, Steps to Ensuring Safety, Preventing Wandering and Getting Lost, and information on the Safe Return program, call the Alzheimer's Association at 303-813-1669 or the 2 4/7 Help Line at 1-800- 272-3900.

• Deborah Uetz's book, Into the Mist, is available through Amazon, Borders Books or at www.intothemist.us

• For more information on Project Lifesaver, go to www.project lifesaver.org.



Lisa Ryckman is the Health & Fitness editor. Reach her at Ryckmanl@RockyMountainNews.com.